Gossip vs Constructive Feedback

Giving feedback continues to be one of the more challenging tasks for many leaders. Recipients struggle with the process just as much, as emotional temperatures typically rise during the process. It is my contention that the primary onus of this process belongs to the giver of the feedback. I have noted that all too often the feedback given has not gone through the due diligence process required so that it is in fact received for its intended purpose – for improvement. I call this feedback Gossip Feedback. This feedback usually starts with “I heard that” or “Someone said” or “I feel that” and lack credibility and objectivity. 

The Science of Non Verbal Communication

I have read for years that what we communicate non-verbally is about 90% of what the audience interprets. It was not until recently that I ran into the neuroscience to corroborate this widely-held view. In a study of brain activity, subjects were shown 3-5 minute videos of people speaking to them. Their brains were attached to scanners that allowed neuroscientists to see visually both the level of activity in the brain, and also the specific locations (neuropathways) of the activity. In the study, the same videos were shown twice; once with the audio on and another with it off. The sequence were altered with different speakers. The results showed that the activity levels were essentially the same with or without audio. In other words, the actual verbal words used accounted for very little of what the listener’s brain was processing. This proved the belief that our actual words play only a small role in communication.